Dating after a divorce, when you have children and were married for over a decade is what one might call ‘challenging’. It’s kind of like playing the drunk lead as an alien disguised as a human in a highly amusing sit-com called ‘Ive lost the plot – let’s have coffee babe – don’t call me I’ll call you’
First of all, the world of dating has changed beeeeeeeg time from the ‘meet for the first time at a club or perhaps even on a blind date’, that was the norm when Divorced Gal was young, naïve and not a mother. We used to meet in person or chat on the phone and then decide if we had some stuff in common and of course if there was some attraction. Now, by the time you meet anyone who asks you out, your Face Book profile pic has been blown up on a computer screen, every pimple examined and you have been selected literally by the way you look. And it swings both ways – when someone offers to introduce you to someone, your ‘yes please’ or ‘hell no’ depends largely on what you may or may not have seen on social media. Sheesh!!
Then … there is Messenger. This allows anyone that spots your mugshot on FB to send you a message. These messages range from ‘hey beautiful, I’ve never seen eyes that have captivated me like yours before’ to ‘ you look sooooo familiar’ to ‘ forgive me for being so forward, but you are truly beautiful’ to ‘you – me – hot!!!!’
This ability to connect so easily makes the new world of dating very interesting, very accessible but also a little daunting. There is no more blind date scenario where you may meet someone and get to know them before you sum them up by the way they look. It’s kind of like choosing which ice cream you are going to eat based on the brightness of its color and the impact of its name. Yes – ‘triple fudge chocolate delight’ for Divorced Gal as opposed to just plain ‘chocolate’. The sad truth though, is that ‘chocolate’ may be way tastier, healthier and just the flavor you were hoping for, as opposed to the ‘triple fudge’ option. But on FB … friendly big grin with the name Storm Gray as opposed to sweaty complexion named Ivan Tyou …. Which one you gonna pick? Hmmmmmm? Candy Floss or Maree Mesoon?? So the opportunity to even meet, is all about packaging it seems.
I have had many fun chats over Messenger with some great guys and sometimes I have even met them (for coffee of course). So I’m not saying that the inclusion of social media into the dating world is all bad, I’m just saying that it’s very different and needs to be navigated with caution, good humor (and the odd sip of alcohol).
I am a big believer in making the most of our external selves and good packaging and marketing. I adore photography and capturing ones essence in a great shot. I am famous among my friends as a selfie taker – Kim K and Divorced G. I love to see smiling eyes and attitude in photographs. But since re entering the dating scene, I have been reminded how important it is to feel real connection when you meet someone, because so much of the interaction on social media is a hologram. This kind of contact has for sure made meeting someone easier but it has also in some ways robbed us of making an effort to relate face to face as opposed to making the effort to message.
Divorced Gal has also learned that very often when an interested party is messaging you, they are also messaging many others and keeping every option open … all at the same time. They are typing ‘hey baybee, we could be soul mates’ to you, Candy Floss, Bubble Gum and Heaven Sent. Our cellphones have put reaching out in the palm of our hands. It’s really a crazy new world to find oneself in. A world that needs to have low expectations, good selfies and caution.
Do you have the right selfie I ask?
Boy what an interesting task
Check the light for the night
Is your makeup just right?
Pull in your tummy
Smile like you eating a gummy
Oh to be a Divorced Gal / Dating Mummy!!
Good luck Gals and Guyz! See you on Face Book!!
Love, Divorced Gal xxx